The phone rings. I pick it up. The person on the other end states, without preamble:
"I don't like the donut."
"Hi, Mom...what's up?"
As usual, I was stumped. Mom speaks with the assumption that everyone knows what she's thinking and is able to follow her down the rabbit hole with occasional side trips through a wormhole.
Destination...unknown.
"Donut?"
"Yeah. You know, the little blue circle that goes round and round meaning something is happening meaning I HAVE TO WAIT."
Oh. I get it now. Mom is on the computer and she's complaining that it's too slow.
I recently purchased a new PC for my mom and it's been nail-in-the-eye fun as I had to get a Vista machine. I have an XP laptop. My mom has gone from Windows 95 to XP Home and now...Vista.
We're both stumped. I'm still trying to figure out how to create a freakin' SHORTCUT to dial-up networking. It used to be just a right-click away but Nooooo.
But it looks like I won't need the shortcut because MOM WANTS DSL.
Why?
Because she doesn't like the donut.
Mom is on a fixed income so I had added her to my ISP account and gave her dial-up access. Unfortunately, operating systems, websites and the Known Universe assume that you have DSL or higher access speeds.
Mom calls Dell Support. They tell her she should get DSL so they can use Remote Assistant to view her computer.
Mom is not happy. But she plugs along using dial-up because of the cost. Mom has been spending more and more time on the computer and on the Internet and guess what...she's single.
You know what that means.
Mom joined Match.com.
"I'm sixty-five! I wanna do this before I get too old! I told myself that I would give this a try."
Watch out guys, Mom is on Match.com.
Mom has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) as well as OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), which make focusing on a task very difficult for her. Imagine trying to create a Match.com profile on dial-up and answering a gazillion questions about what you're looking for in a mate.
"Good thing I have OCD - it's forcing me to finish this profile. Grrrr."
Which brings us to the donut. Mom has been trying to read emails and send them to potential matches. Dial-up is so slow that pages timeout due to all the images.
"I have ADHD! I can't take all this waiting!"
I had been thinking of getting her DSL as I've seen her time on the Internet increase. Prior to getting the new PC, she used the Internet to pay bills and check email. Now she's online so much her phone is always busy.
I ordered DSL. Soon, no more donuts for mom.
You think DSL is slow? Go back to dial-up and rethink your definition of slow.
The phone rings. I pick it up. The person on the other end states, without preamble:
"Winking?! What is this Winking??!!"
This post has been brought to you by Ms. Q. HMTKSteve invited me to guest blog. Think he'll invite me back?
You think you have what it takes to guest blog on hmtk.com? Contact me and we shall see...
[...] If you’re interested in why my mom doesn’t like donuts and has a need for speed…check it out. [...]
He should invite you back. You had me laughing. The donut… I wasn’t expecting it to be the browser hurry up and wait icon.
I’m loving it. No matter where you go you do it up.
Keep on keeping on Ms. Q.
My mom is a hoot. She is an original and unusual thinker.
She makes up words and creates odd connections (like the donut) and she’s quirky in a very charming way. Her OCD and ADHD have made life very difficult in ways that many can’t understand. I certainly didn’t appreciate the depth of her difficulties until recently. She is very courageous.
I had printed this post for her and she liked it. She said, “Just wait until I start dating…lotsa good funny stories there I’m sure. Or..maybe not.”
I’m glad you enjoyed it and it made you laugh!
My wife an I have a friend who has used match.com in the past… Yep, expect some good stories out of your mom!
I’m not entirely sure I would want to hear about my mom’s experience with Match.com
Is she on Match or was that just a general comment?
Dating moms….eee! Retired dating moms…good for them!
Heck, *I’m* on an online dating site. No interesting stories, thank goodness. Interesting usually means “bad” or “weird.”
Unfortunately, I also don’t have many stories to tell. I don’t geisha-fy my face like I do in my blog. Maybe that’s the problem. Hmmmm…
[...] Ever since my mom got DSL, the speakerphone in the kitchen stopped working. It’s an ancient wall phone and when mom is puttering around in the kitchen, she puts callers on speakerphone so she doesn’t have to hold the phone. [...]