This argument has become tiresome would you not agree? Nowhere did I say that women are always better communicators – I am speaking in generalities here. I object to your use of the word narcissistic when referencing how women communicate. In your response, you say, “True equality must include equal accountability as well as the thoughtfulness…” Are you always accountable to your misgivings and are you always thoughtful? No, none of us can state with any truth that we are either. Unlike the women you reference in your life, I can resolve issues with my female counterparts in the same amount of time as I can with my male counterparts. When it comes to resolving issues with my partner, it often takes longer. Why? It’s really much more simple than you think.

Comparing your wife’s ability or lack thereof as you infer, to your ability, to resolve an issue with a male friend is like comparing apples to a side of beef. You don’t have the emotional connection, sexual connection and biological connection to your friend as you do with your wife. How you could expect to resolve issues with your wife the way you do with your friend? Do you sleep with your friends? Do you have an intimate history or children with your friends? No, you likely do not. Therefore, issues that arise with your wife are likely to be much more emotionally charged – there is more at stake for her and for you. It takes much more tact, patience and a great deal of active listening to resolve an issue with your partner in life than it does with a friend. At the end of the day, you don’t go home with your friend.

Human beings, not just women, are emotional. To recognize this is vital in any relationship. To belittle women by suggesting that we are narcissistic because we take longer (in your opinion and experience) to process our emotions in an argument is faulty at best. Your wife takes longer to process her feelings in an argument because she is having it with you, not because she is unable to communicate effectively.

Statistics show that parents often raise their boys much differently from their girls and are quick to shush a crying boy than a girl. Studies have shown that mothers are faster in responding to their crying daughters than they are their sons. This sends a message to their son that it is not okay to cry. This can and often does lead to a stifling of this any perceived negative emotion. We all possess EQ and IQ and both are important. Emotional Intelligence helps us to foster healthy relationships with our friends, loved-ones and colleagues. An unhealthy EQ leads to poor communication and an inability to hold healthy relationships in one’s life.

Lastly, your comment, “As for narcissism, the obsession with ones own image to the extent that it becomes a central point of focus in ones life shows how unbalanced any person with this problem has become.” Unbalanced, yes. Narcissistic, hardly. A woman with low self-esteem will obsess about her physical appearance but this is quite opposite to narcissism. This isn’t semantics but clarity Joel. Our media has helped to create this crisis of the body with women for decades. It’s one of the reasons I refuse to buy ‘women’s magazines and why I will discourage my daughter from purchasing them. If she chooses to do so, I will talk with her about the unrealistic images portrayed in them and the techniques editors use to create these images.

As for the author John Grey – his book is possibly the most ridiculous piece of writing I have ever read. In one of his examples about how to communicate he talks about a man and a woman going to a movie. After the movie has finished and the man asks the woman whether or not she liked the film, he suggests that the woman find something positive to say about the film whether she liked it or not or she may bruise his ego for his movie selecting ability. If a man’s ego is that fragile, then I wouldn’t want to date/marry that man. My husband appreciates my honesty and would never feel hurt if I gave a movie a criticism he didn’t agree with. This not to mention that Mr. Grey, is not a psychologist and has never to my knowledge attended a psychology class. More to the point his first marriage failed because of his infidelity. What knowledge can he impart about strengthening a marriage or the communication between a man and a woman? Nothing, I assure you, absolutely nothing.

Narcissism? Women in their 40’s tend to look at themselves in the mirror and pick themselves apart perceived flaw by perceived flaw while men look in the mirror and think they look the same as they did when they were 20. Who’s narcissistic? Having personal insight isn’t a male or female trait Joel, but it is a trait that many of you posting seem to lack.

Your last paragraph was classic — I like to think of it as “domestic maneuvering.”

Roy