Stories


Internet and Stories March 19th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

Technorati Ranking 1991I was just checking on my Technorati ranking this morning and I found myself with a nice low number. It's not as low as I would like it to be but I can't complain. There are some folks who would kill (or spam) for a ranking as low as mine.

What really got me thinking though is the number, 1991. What was I doing in 1991? What was going on in the world in 1991? Where you even alive in 1991? I was and I was already in the Army.

In the early half of 1991 I was in basic training. For most of the rest of 1991 I was stationed at Aberdeen Proving Grounds for my advanced training. I was busy learning all about the fire control systems on M1A1 tanks and Bradley Fighting Vehicles, among other things I'm not at liberty to discuss.

After graduation from advanced training I moved to Germany to enjoy my first duty assignment. I had a lot of fun in Germany and even ran into one of my good friends from advanced training over there.

Unlike some of the other trainees at Aberdeen my course was long and had very few students. I think they may have been four of us in my class. The training also lasted about 9 months. Some of the other students at school rotated in about in 8 weeks! Yep, being there for so long did have some benefits as the DIs were a bit nicer to you after a few months.

1991 was not just a year of good times though, there was also tragedy that year.

MY brother Rob and cousin Larry, who had taken part in Desert Storm and Desert Shield died in a single car auto accident. The accident occurred late one night while they were driving home.

I flew back home from training (and got bumped into the next class for missing so much time) to attend the double funeral. It was not a good time for my family. The only comedy (it was of a dark nature) was meeting all of my brother's fiances! He sure did get around.

I also got two tattoos in 1991 while living in Aberdeen Maryland.

1991 was an interesting year. I don't like to dwell on that year so, I would appreciate if you folks could help me out by lowering my Technorati rank with a few links headed my way!

Star Wars and Stories March 2nd, 2007 by Force Drainer

kevin smith inducted

Hi Folks,

On February 23rd, 24th, and 25th, members of the 501st Legion’s Connecticut Garrison made an appearance at the NYC Comic Con.

This event was a lot of fun. Many comic book artists, celebrities, and members of the 501st Legion attended this massive event.

One of the highlights of this event was being part of the induction ceremony of Kevin Smith into the 501st Legion as a "friend of the Legion"! One of our members made a short speech and we presented Mr Smith with a nice plaque, which he commented on about how our plaque was actually nicer and better quality than many of the "big" awards he had won in the past.

We spent some time with him and really had a blast. He was in awe when he saw us, especially when he saw Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. I think he had more questions for us than we did for him. He couldn't believe that we received NO FUNDING from anyone and that we actually made our own costumes. He even asked me as to how I made mine, so I explained how we researched the costumes, and what is involved in the "vacu-forming" process.

I, along with a few others, also escorted Mr Smith and Stan Lee (creator of Spiderman) to their cars while they left the event.

Cheers!
Force Drainer
PS: I'm the guy in the Scout Trooper Armor!

stan-lee.jpg fetts-me-nix-stevesnow-tk.jpg

Stories February 27th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

Let me preface this post by saying, "Do not try this at home. Trained professionals took part in the making of this story."

Back when I was stationed in Germany my buddies and I used to frequent a club called the Green Goose. There were many locations in the country that sported a Green Goose club but the one I spent the most time in was the one in Nuremburg.

The Green Goose was a club that catered to white American G.I.'s. There were other clubs that catered to black American G.I.'s (yes, I have stories about them too) and some that just catered to American G.I.'s of all persuasions. What made the Green Goose particularly a favorite of us white boys was their penchant for playing rock music.

When you go to a club you are going to be drinking one of two things; beer or mixed drinks. I do not think there is a 'beer' drinking age in Germany but I do recall the drinking age for harder stuff was 16. The age of consent was also 16, need I say more?

When you order a beer at the Goose you always had it in a glass, unless you were ordering one of the few American beers they sold. German beers were always served in glasses because of the way they are made. A very good German beer as a certain amount of sediment at the bottom of the bottle and you do not want to drink that part! By pouring it into a glass you are able to keep the sediment in the bottle and produce a very nice head on your drink.

If you wanted something harder, say a Long Island Ice Tea for example, then you had a few more interesting options. Namely you got to pick just how big of a drink you wanted to get.

Yes, how big!

Sit down for this because some of you may not be prepared for what follows.

The average drink size was the same size as your beer. Nothing special there but wait, it gets better!

If you were willing to spend a little bit more money you could buy a bucket of your drink. What's a bucket you say? The first level of bucket (and most common) was an ice bucket filled with your drink and a ton of straws.

See, the bucket concept led to sharing and socializing. It was not uncommon to purchase a small bucket of something tasty and then saunter around the club letting various ladies (whom you found attractive) drink from the bucket. There was much goodness and happiness to be found with someone who had purchased a bucket. This size bucket was about eight times the price of a regular drink and held about that much.

The next size bucket was a wonder to behold! It was a half barrel! Yep, a 25 gallon bucket!

Oh, it did not hold 25 gallons as you had to leave some room near the top so you could carry the thing without spilling it all over but it held close to 22 gallons when ordered. This would cost you several hundred dollars to buy. It also guaranteed companionship.

If you had a barrel at your table a few things were true:

  • This was your table, all night long
  • Girls would come to you
  • Everyone would be your friend
  • You had too much money

    I never purchased a barrel on my own but one night that involved a barrel ended with me waking up in a place with padded walls.

    I did purchase smaller buckets on many occasions and I had a lot of fun at the Green Goose clubs. Stay tuned, I may post more of these stories!

  • Stories and Technology February 24th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

    I just got home after pulling 16 hours of overtime at my job. This was after putting in a full eight hour day.

    You might be wondering why I worked 16 hours straight.

    Around 7:00PM last night I got a call from my boss. He was looking for someone to babysit one of our central offices that was running on a generator. A tree had fallen right outside the building and knocked out the power, among other things. Because overtime is very rare at my job I jumped at the chance and drove for an hour to get to the office.

    When I got there it looked rather grim. My boss had not been completely honest with me on the phone and once I arrived I found out that not only was the power out but the tree that knocked out the power also burst a transformer and burned up a 1200 pair copper cable and a major piece of fiber optic cabling.

    The ground below the tree had the "struck by lighting" look. A large area of dirt had been turned to greenish glass from the extreme heat of the fire. The fiber optic cable had been burned clean through and would need to be replaced. What I thought would be a couple of hours of babysitting turned into a very long night.

    Lucky for me the foreman in charge of the line gang brought 12 pizzas and several two-liter bottles of soda. Later on in the night a local resident brought us donuts.

    By about 1:00 AM the power company had repaired there cables and we were off the generator. By 5:00 AM the important fibers had been spliced with a new fiber drop. By 6:00 AM I had my important equipment that ran on the fibers 100% functional again.

    They were still splicing away on the copper pairs when I left at 9:30 AM.

    One of the benefits of my job is that any overtime over 11 hours in a week gets counted as double-time. So, for working those 16 hours I got paid as if I worked about 27 hours. Of course now I'm dead tired and sucking down coffee just to stay awake!

    Stories February 24th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

    Back in the early nineties I was station in Germany. The barracks that I resided in was a former German army base from World War II. It was made of very sturdy concrete and yes, there were tunnels.

    This story is not about those tunnels, this story is about something far more deadly. It is about how electricity and water do not mix.

    While stationed there I was lucky enough to be able to pick my own room and roommate. The roommate I picked was my good friend G-Ski. You may remember him from an earlier post about a cab driver. I chose G-Ski as my roommate because, at this time, he was living off post with his girlfriend. This meant I had a room to myself as he only used the room when he had too.

    Another key point about the room I chose is that it was once used as an arms room. That means it was used to store weapons. Because of this it had a very solid metal door (two inches thick on heavy hinges) and the windows had strong thick bars on them. Some might think I was living in a jail cell but I didn't care. My room was the most secure room in the building, when I locked the door no one got in without a key.

    One night my fridge stopped working. Unlike most soldiers I had not been drinking that night.

    Being an electronics guy I decided that I should try and fix it myself. Little did I realize that the fridge had stopped working earlier in the day. In fact, a small puddle had formed near the base of the fridge. You know where this story is going, don't you?

    Well, I took some panels off and broke out my volt meter. I did not unplug the fridge because I wanted to see if it was getting voltage. It might have just been a bad switch or something that I could wire around.

    I don't fully recall exactly what happened but, I electrocuted myself.

    I do not know why I did not kill myself that night because the lights in the entire building dimmed for a few seconds while my foot was in the water and my hand was touching a live wire.

    After a few seconds a breaker tripped and the electrocution stopped. Let me tell you right now that I now understand why crazy people used to be given electro-shock therapy. After that burst of 220 volts I felt like I was on top of the world!

    I unplugged my broken fridge and went to the breaker box to reset my power. On the way there I ran into one of my friends, he wanted to know if I noticed the lights dimming a few minutes ago. I told him what happened but he didn't believe me. He didn't believe me until we got to the breaker box and he saw that the breaker to my room was the only one that was tripped.

    That night I slept like a rock and did not wake up in time for revelry. I missed P.T., breakfast, roll call, work... When I finally did wake up it was past noon. I was confused and didn't know what the heck I was doing. I felt 'out of it' but I was able to get cleaned up and make my way to the shop in which I worked.

    Apparently my electrocution story had spread a bit and one of my sergeants had beat on my door while I slept to wake me up. I guess his knocking was not hard enough to hear through a two inch steel door!

    I was so out of it my boss gave me the rest of the day off.

    Family and General and Stories February 20th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

    I received this as an email a few years back and this morning it showed up in my inbox. Does anyone know where this originated from?

    The Military
    The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either.

    Three soldiers

    He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.

    He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155mm howitzer.

    He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk. He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.

    He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must. He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional. He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.

    Gas Mask View

    He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity. He is self-sufficient He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.

    He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hung ry, his food. He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low. He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.

    He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job. He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.

    Rocket launch

    He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them. He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed. He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking.

    In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful. Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom. Beardless or not, he is not a boy. He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.

    Soldiers cleaning weapons

    He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood. And now we even have women over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so. As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot.. A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets

    Soldiers sleeping

    Prayer wheel for our military... please don't break it. Please send this on after a short prayer.

    Prayer Wheel

    "Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."

    Prayer :

    When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our ground troops in Afghanistan , sailors on ships, and airmen in the air, and for those in Iraq

    There is nothing attached...

    This can be very powerful.......

    Of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Coastguardsman, Marine or Airman, prayer is the very best one. I can't break this one, sorry This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq . Pass it on to everyone and pray.

    If you know where the images came from I would like to include proper credit as the byline in the corner of each image is hard to read.

    Family and Stories February 17th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

    Here is a little bit of humor to put a smile on your face. I hope you get as much of a laugh out of these jokes as I did.

    Wife vs. Husband
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word... An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs the husband asked sarcastically, "relatives of yours?"
    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

    Words
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "what?"

    Creation
    A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be sostupid and so beutiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "allow me to explain. God made me beutiful so you would be attracted to me and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

    Who Does What
    A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "you should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "you are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job. I can just wait for my coffee." The wife replied, "no, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." The husband turns to her, "I can't believe it! Show me." So she fetched the Bible and opened it up to the New Testament. At the top of several pages she showed him, that it does indeed say.... "HEBREWS".

    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

    He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight! Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,

    "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece!

    I got these jokes via email and I'm fairly certain they are all in the public domain by now. No link backs are required if you take this content.

    Family and General and Stories January 4th, 2007 by HMTKSteve

    To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"

    "Don't what?" Adam replied.

    "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

    "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"

    "No Way!"

    "Yes way!"

    "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.

    "Why"

    "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

    "Uh huh," Adam replied.

    "Then why did you?" said the Father.

    "I don't know," said Eve.

    "She started it!" Adam said

    "Did not!"

    "Did too!"

    "DID NOT!"

    Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

    BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

    THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

    1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

    2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

    3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

    4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

    5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

    6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

    ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

    AND FINALLY:

    IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

    "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

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